Irony
by AndromedaMarine
Summary: Albert Schweitzer once said, “In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” Pepper's POV.
1. The Letter

**Irony by AndromedaMarine**

_The Letter_

By all accounts, Anthony Stark should be dead. Technically the arc reactor technology didn't exist, yet there it was, nestled in his chest. His life continued, but without the one night stands and hangover mornings. He became gentler, but his purely Stark sense of humor never left – it just diminished. He often fell asleep at his worktable surrounded by incomplete prototypes of the next mark suit. When he did collapse onto his bed he woke constantly, haunted by the Middle Eastern caves, terrorists, and death. Nightmares that had been nonexistent before his kidnapping frightened him like nothing had before. His life did a one-eighty instead of a three-sixty.

The events of his three month captivity brought his fatality to the forefront of his mind. He went almost a year without any human contact save the hugs he pulled me into at seemingly random times. Since the press conference he hadn't stepped into public as Anthony Stark, and paparazzi were banned from the premises. His smiles became rare moments of brilliant revelations or if I made his favorite dish for dinner. The time came when he forgot his own birthday and Jarvis became his prominent raconteur.

I felt as though I was losing him to technology. I had to politely turn Rhodes and the military away when they requested Tony at press conferences. His retreat into silence was ironic considering _who_ he was. _Ironman._

Eight years working for Anthony Stark. Now I was working _with _him. The confession that all we had was each other had been good to us – our professional relationship had less tension, but our personal one still scared me. Oftentimes I caught him looking at me, his eyes revealing more than his words ever did. He'd give me a weak smile and resume whatever he was doing, and my mind wandered, wondering about his motives. I suspected the times I caught him were few out of many.

It was early morning when I sat down to check the schedule when a calendar reminder flashed across the screen.

"Jarvis," I asked.

"Yes, Miss Potts?" The British AI's voice was calm and collected.

"Where's Tony?"

There was a pause. "Mr. Stark is in the workshop."

Naturally. "Thank you, Jarvis."

The reminder flashed again. I sighed. Rhodes would have to wait. I pulled up a new email and typed a message, putting the recipient as Anthony E. Stark.

_Dear Tony,_

_I wish I could say this directly to you, but the saying goes that written words hold more power over spoken ones. Eight months ago I received a call from Colonel Rhodes. I was informed that your convoy had been attacked, and it was less than likely that you were alive. He told me to not worry – that he would do everything within his power to search for you. He never gave up hope. I kept coming to Stark Mansion every morning like I did when you were here; expecting to usher a disheveled fashion model to Happy downstairs, to pick up the dry cleaning. I forced myself to pretend you were just on a business trip – a very long business trip. _

_I wish I could say that I was always convinced you'd return – but after the first month without a single word from Rhodes I couldn't take it any longer. I was unable to go through the motions; pretending you were just out of touch failed me and, to put it mildly, I cried. What I told you on the tarmac wasn't entirely true. They were tears of joy – but because I had living, breathing proof that you were alive, not because I hate job hunting (which I still do, by the way). _

_For five months I've watched you go from same old Tony Stark with upbeat humor to Ironman to someone who looks like a lost and confused man in the middle of an ocean of doubt and fear. For five months I've wanted to help you sleep – the reason I stay here 24/7 is because I don't want to come in the door in the morning and find that you've stayed in the shop all night. I want you to live a normal (if that's even the right word) life. I stay here because if you do something stupid in your exhaustion I want to be here to reverse it. _

_Think back to when you had me change your reactor. I'm all you have. You're all I have. There's no one else – no long-lost boyfriend, no arranged marriage, not even a date. You are all I have. When you were gone it felt like a part of my heart was missing, because it was. _

_Eight years of employment, Tony. For seven of them I put up with your playboy take on life, and for one I've watched you recoil from human contact. The latter scares me. You barely sleep at night. Nightmares haunt you when you manage to fall into your bed. The workshop has become a bedroom in itself. I'm all you have. Let me be there for you – let me into your barricaded heart. Forget scaring me – I need to know what you went through. _

_Albert Schweitzer once said, "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." When you were kidnapped that's when my fire went out. But it burst back into flame when I saw your face again. I feel as though for these past few months your fire has been dying. _

_Do yourself a favor: walk up those goddamn steps and talk to me. _

"_The antidote for fifty enemies is one friend." – Aristotle. Don't let pride keep you away from that antidote. I love you too much to watch you inflict that emotional pain on yourself._

_Love your friend,_

_Pepper._

I pressed send.


	2. The Reply

**Irony by AndromedaMarine**

_The Reply_

As if Jarvis read my mind he brought up a video link to the camera in the workshop. I saw Tony sitting at his computer, playing with new holo-prototypes. My gut was both excited and terrified at the same time when the popup made a loud _ding_ sound to tell Tony he had a new email. After a few seconds I completely gave up on checking the schedule.

I observed as Tony's head glanced upwards, looking at the screen. He walked towards the computer and sat, and I realized I was gripping the arms of the chairs so tightly my knuckles had turned white. I didn't know how to read Tony's expression as he opened the email. I saw shock, sadness, realization, more shock, and even a tear. I couldn't watch him for more than a minute. Hurriedly I closed the window and squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to know if he was going to do himself that favor.

I forced myself to look at the schedule, and was content to know that in my inattention, Jarvis had wiped it clean. It had been a long time since I had a day to do nothing. I sighed and rubbed my temples, repeating to myself that it had been a good idea to send him that email; that letter, because it was eight months to the day that he'd been taken. He needed to get out of that hole, and the tear in my heart from his absence had just barely begun to heal. I couldn't stand him ripping that wound open as he retreated from humanity by choice.

I stood, brushing the forming tears out of my eyes. When I turned around I saw Tony leaning against the doorjamb, his eyes red from his own tears. I stopped in my tracks, my mouth hanging open as I searched for words.

"Yinsen told me that I'm a man who has everything – and nothing. It was after he asked me if I had a family – a wife or children. When he said those words it reminded me that I did have a family – I had you. His last words to me were, 'Don't waste your life.' I don't plan to." He hadn't moved from his stationary position. "When Rhodes found me and brought me home I wanted nothing more than to pull my family – you – into an embrace. I don't know why I didn't – maybe it was because Rhodes was right there; I don't know. What I do know is that I was too blunt with you when I got back. I was too unemotional. My pride got in the way of telling you how I really felt.

"I saw young soldiers killed by my weapons – my technology. I realized that if I did what they wanted more people would die by my hand, and I couldn't live with that. Ironman came from the need to get home and the desire to keep people safe. I couldn't leave you and Rhodey to fend for yourselves, could I? Being a playboy after all that seriousness made me sick. No woman could understand why I woke up so much during the night; no woman _would_ understand it. I felt so horrible inside after the firemen's benefit, leaving you on the balcony and then getting the information that the Ten Rings had destroyed Yinsen's hometown.

"The look on your face after I came back from that first strike flight made me want to hold you all over again. I was wrong when I said that there was the next mission and nothing else. You would have quit your job to keep me safe. I respected you for that – but just the thought that you'd never be there in the morning made me sick. When Obadiah took the reactor and told me you had died I wanted to kill him right then and there for taking you away from me. That was the night I realized that I would be so lost a compass wouldn't have helped if you were gone. I finally had a chance to make a difference in the world when I invented Ironman – and I threw myself into the work to block out the pain of every nightmare. What I didn't realize was I was blocking you out too."

I felt the tears on my cheeks as his words flowed over me.

"Pepper, if I could I would take back everything that I did to hurt you, even seven years' worth of one night stands. I love you too much to put you through that." He sniffed and gave me a watery smile, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. The arc reactor thrummed happily behind his wife-beater, reminding me that Tony Stark had a heart. He slowly walked towards me, my breath shaking with each step that brought him closer. "Pepper, you are everything and the only thing that holds me up; the only one who keeps me going. Without you I wouldn't exist. I pride myself on being a genius, but for the life of me I've been such an idiot when it comes to you."

He was standing in front of me now, all but a foot and a half away. "A friend might cure fifty enemies, but if the friend is more than just that – if they love each other – a million Jericho Missiles couldn't scratch the surface of that protection. 'Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end.' If I knew who said that I'd give him or her a million dollars and enough sockeye to keep 'em busy for forever. And it's right – I lost all my fear of dying when I thought of you and I couldn't remember when I first felt that way."

I didn't know what to say. I hadn't expected such a speech, even from him, and as I looked into his eyes I saw that look – the one I'd caught him giving me – the one that showed more than he probably intended.

"You don't have to say anything, Pepper," he said quietly. "I love you too much to care."

I stuttered. "How – how can y-you say that n-now, after all these y-years, T-tony? All those women..."

He flashed a small grin at me. "Only say 'I love you' if you mean it. I never felt it with any of them. But I felt it in captivity – I felt it for you." He uncrossed his arms and gripped my upper arms, leaned in, and brushed his lips across mine. "Just think about it," he whispered, and turned to go back to work.

I struggled to find my voice. The kiss had left be breathless despite its softness and fleeting feeling. "Tony," I choked out.

He stopped and swiveled. "Hmm?"

"I love you." I could barely hear the words even as they left my mouth. He must have heard them because he swept back and didn't hesitate as he pulled me against him, firmly holding me in place. His kiss was full of hunger and need – something that had long since been abandoned from the forefront of his mind. He locked his hands in my hair and I couldn't stop myself from snaking my arms around his neck; it reminded me that he was as real as the floor beneath me. He deepened the kiss, seemingly not able to get enough.

He rested his forehead against mine, breathing heavily. "You brought me back to life," he whispered, and we kissed again.


End file.
